Just yesterday morning, my son Max asked me to draw him a smiley face heart. I was running late for work (as usual) and had forgotten. On my way out, I told him I’d
e-mail him one. This wonderful drawing is what I found.

Later, I asked Max what he thought about the drawing. He said, “it makes me think about you.” His response made me realize that in an energetic & spiritual way, I am holding all of my family’s hearts in my hands — and they are holding mine. Even when I’m 45 miles away at work there is a connection, a tugging, and yes a nurturing.

It is so beautiful that our children nurture our hearts, as we do theirs. I think sometimes we get so caught up in taking care of them, we lose sight of the moments when they take care of us.

What a huge responsibility this is. And what a joy.

Beneath all of the junk that goes on every day — the tantrums, exhaustion, cooking, cleaning, work, errands and the seemingly ever-present stress over money… beneath it all is this incredible lifeline.

A few hours after I had these thoughts, I was graced with the arrival of two complimentary books from Mark Brady, Ph.D. I’ll be giving both books (and Mark) the attention they deserve in an upcoming post. But first I’d like to share something that caught my eye within seconds of opening his book, A Little Book of Parenting Skills.

There’s a mini chapter called, Make Your Kids “Heart Smart,” that states the following:
“The heart is the most powerful organ in the body, generating a magnetic field 5000 times stronger than any other organ. The brain’s power pales by comparison. Brugh Joy, a medical doctor and wisdom teacher, has written that whether we know it or not, all hearts continually exchange energy and information with other hearts.”

The mini-chapter goes on to discuss more well known attributes of the heart like, “listening and responding to our children with compassion and concern.”

Mark’s books arriving at that moment goes far beyond coincidence. It was a synergistic moment in time where a simple picture e-mailed to my son manifested into a very deep insight.

Who’s nurturing your heart? I hope that you have many people that are doing so. Be mindful of the nurturing. Give it freely, and accept it with gratitude.

And remember, you are not alone…

You can find many of Mark’s books, including this one, through Amazon.com, Paideia Press (414-828-6275, paideia@gmail.com), or many fine online book retailers.

As for the art created by AJ, I’m still looking for the source of where this came from. I’d like to give the artist credit.

I recently read two posts about the issue of time over at Dad of Divas (see links below). It’s a topic I think about often — how I’m spending my time, and how most of it is spent away from my family.

What is time?
We’re told it’s a man-made concept, that it doesn’t really exist. Yet there never seems to be enough of it. And whether or not it’s “real,” there are certain pressures, constraints and sacrifices inherent in the time paradigm.

My definition of time has a pretty bleak side. Time is life. And as we grind out the days and weeks away from our families (albeit in order to support them), there is something irreplaceable being sacrificed. Time with our kids. At the park. At music class. As they grow up. One day they’ll be adults, and we won’t be able to catch up with what we’ve lost.

Monday through Friday, like many moms and dads, my time is spent away from my family — away from my kids — at work. That’s 10.5 hours per day, 52.5 hours per week, 2,572.5 hours per year (I’ve deducted 3 weeks vacation). And I know parents who have it worse — working 12+ hours per day, and weekends too!

When I’m home with my boys, I’m usually so exhausted that it’s a struggle to be present and pleasant. There’s not enough time in the day for me to get enough rest. So I’m left feeling like a vampire has sucked the blood (and the life force) out of me, leaving me in a semi-zombie state. Does this sound like you? I doubt I’m alone.

I’m sorry to say I do not have a cure-all answer for this dilemma that so many of us face. What I do know is this — we can’t give up. We need to trust in the Universe and do our part to find a solution. Pray. Play the lottery. Make the best of our time with our kids (as hard as that may seem). Do whatever you have to do to avoid giving up. If you give up, all is lost. If you keep the faith, anything is possible.

If I did have a cure-all answer for the issue of time, it would look a lot like this:

I would clone myself into 5 people.

#1 Sleeps all day
#2 Makes love with my wife all day
#3 Plays with the kids all day
#4 Works all day
#5 Blogs about the other four

I think this would work out pretty well.

And remember, you are not alone…

Dad of Divas links:
Maniverse #5: Time in a Bottle
Blogging: Pastime or Addiction

 

This blog carnival is a fantastic journey into the minds of men. If you haven’t checked it out yet, here’s your chance to catch up.

Created by The Art of Manliness, it brings together some of the finest, most diverse blog posts I have ever seen. I hope you enjoy them…

Manival #9 @ Night Writer

Manival #8 @ Spark Plugging

Manival #7 @ Simple Marriage

Manival #6 @ Building Camelot

Manival # 5 @ The Care & Feeding of Man

Manival # 4 @ The Art of Manliness

Manival # 3 @ Shaefer’s Blog

Manival # 2 @ A Good Husband

Manival # 1 @ The Art on Manliness

And remember, you are not alone…

What is Tops in Pops?

A few weeks ago, I published a post called Nominations Being Taken for the Best Dad Posts of June ‘08. After the under whelming response, 1 from Dad of Divas (thanks Chris!), I have decided to try again.

This time I’m allowing daddy bloggers to submit posts of their own, and/or nominate other daddy bloggers that are extraordinary.

Have you read an awesome post on a daddy blog lately? Have you written one? Well, here’s your chance to shine (or help a fellow daddy blogger shine) by submitting a post you feel is “Tops in Pops,” for the month of June.

Every first Monday of the month, the previous month’s picks will be posted.

It’s easy to nominate yourself, or another daddy blogger. Just go to the Tops in Pops Submission Form at Blog Carnival. Fill in a few lines of information, and you’re done!

Looking forward to seeing everybody’s favorites.

And remember, you are not alone…

Yes, you read that right — there are health benefits to cake. At least I think so. Here’s why…

Imagine for a moment that everything bad you’ve heard about cake is true. The refined sugar, the bleached flower and hydrogenated oil… bad for you.

But what about the positive chemicals your body releases when you experience the joy of cake? Not to mention the mental health benefits caused by the enjoyment of a tasty, fresh, heavily frosted piece of your favorite variety.

I think there’s a kernal of truth in my daddypothosis.

As I’ve admitted before, I’m not a scientist. And I’m OK with that. But I do know (first hand) that the daily grind, often devoid of joy, takes a major toll on us.

Study after study tells us what’s bad for us. Don’t eat refined foods, don’t breathe, don’t use plastic, don’t ingest one million gallons of anything — not even water (there are prescription drugs in there you know).

But who has done a study on the BENEFITS of cake? Or the benefits of anything enjoyable for that matter.

The point is that joy has great power. What we believe has a direct effect on what becomes reality. 

I’d like to see a study of people who do everything as healthy as possible, with one slight catch. Take all the joy out of their lives. My guess is that the lack of joy will crush any benefits of organic anything.

So, go ahead, eat that piece of cake. Enjoy it. It just might save your life.

And remember, you are not alone…

All the playing, meals, sleep-interrupted nights, sheer-and-utter exhaustion, frustration, triumphs, failures, fears, anxieties, hopes, dreams, depression, lack of control, joy, happiness, honor of being a parent, unconditional love, driving, cleaning, colds, more cleaning, bills, tripping over toys, buying more toys, poop, boogers, hugs, kisses, conversation, questions, silence, surprises, naps, even more poop, tantrums (from the boys AND me), regrettable raised voices, lost tempers, peace, lack of peace, reading, running, art, trips to Toys R Us…

All of this and more. Every moment is worth it. Every second. It’s all a precious gift from the Universe — a gift from my boys and my wife.

And no matter how bad something may seem, underneath it all I am the luckiest man on Earth.

Thank you boys, for being my sons. Thank you girls, for watching over us. And thank you Kara, my wife, for our family.

When I really think about it, every day is Father’s Day.

And remember, you are not alone…

Best
Dad Posts
of
June 2008

 

Have you read an awesome post on a daddy blog lately? Well, here’s your chance to help that blogger shine by voting him “best post of the month!”

On the first Monday of every month, I (or one of my fellow daddy bloggers) will list the top voted daddy blog posts for the previous month.

Nominating someone is easy. All you have to do is vote for them! You can do so in two ways: 

1) Comment on this post.
- Name your nominee and the title of the post you are voting for
- Be sure to cut & paste the link into your comment
- In 1-2 sentences, describe why you are nominating the post
- The only catch is that you can not vote for yourself (sorry) 

2) E-mail me at joeyguido@juno.com. Include the same information as above, and your done.

Looking forward to seeing everybody’s favorites!

And remember, you are not alone…

 

 

 

 

 

You may have heard about the health issues caused by a food ingredient called partially hydrogenated oil (PHO). It is found in many, many foods in your supermarket and in restaurants. Although I knew it was unhealthy, I never really knew why until I did some research for this post.

In a nutshell, PHO’s are created when hydrogen bubbles (yes, hydrogen) are passed through oil that has been heated. This removes the essential fatty acids that do a lot of good for your body, and chemically alters the oil so it becomes a trans fat, also called a saturated fat (bad, bad stuff). McDonalds is one of the better-known trans fat cases because of all the media attention.

So why are PHO’s so bad? They cause cancer, diabetes, heart disease, multiple sclerosis and allergies that can cause arthritis. It also disables your body from properly absorbing good essential fatty acids (necessary to sustain healthy life) found largely in polyunsaturated oils. Instead of being absorbed and providing your body with what it needs to function properly, the essential fatty acids are eventually stored as fat cells, causing you to gain weight.

I’m not a scientist (although I’ve been told I look like Dr. Egon Spengler from the Ghostbusters — sans the hair), so I won’t pretend to be. The purpose of this post is to inform you of the ill effects of this ingredient (as well as some others). I’ve included some informative links below for those of you who are interested in a more detailed explanation of PHO’s.

But I will tell you this. Companies use this stuff because it’s a really cheap way to give things like cake, cookies, pancakes, cereal and bread a rich buttery taste WITHOUT adding butter (which is more costly). It also extends the shelf life of the product so it can sit there for months (or years) instead of a few weeks. I guess the almighty dollar is more important than the health of our children.

Now that there’s more awareness, some corporations have changed the name of these trans fatty oils to mono-diglycerides. Don’t be fooled, it’s the same thing. Shame on every company that is trying to trick us. I wonder if the owners and employees feed this crap to their families. Or do they take their profits and shop at Whole Foods?

Hey Kellogg’s, charge me an extra dollar and take that crap out of your Pop Tarts — and your cereals. It’s in Froot Loops, Corn Pops and lots of other cereals I can’t think of right now (check the labels).

My question is this: who is going to step up, take responsibility and get rid of this stuff in our food? Will it be a major corporation that will set the precedent, the government, or nobody?

If that’s not enough to keep you up at night, here are a few more bad food ingredients:

Sodium Nitrite: found in bacon, hot dogs and other processed meats kids and parents like to eat. Why is it bad? It causes colon cancer and pancreatic cancer. It has been proven to cause leukemia and brain tumors in children! We eat bacon at least once a week!! At least we used to. I’ll have to check Whole Foods for organic bacon.

Naturalnews.com also lists: MSG, refined white flower, refined white sugar, aspartame, saccharin, artificial colors, chemical preservatives, color fixer chemicals and homogenized dairy fats. Visit their link, or use Google to find out more.

Special thanks to the following links which provided me with this useful information. Pleases visit them for more details:
- Ban Trans Fats
- What’s Wrong with Partially Hydrogenated Oils?
- The latest U.S. health safety distraction ploy: Blame China!
- Recovery Medicine

Related posts:
Healthy Food Tip #1: Decoding PLU Codes For Better Health

And remember, you are not alone…

The Hit List

In a previous post, Tired of Being Exhausted, I touched upon the topic of hitting children (see excerpt to follow). In an effort to advocate for children’s rights, I felt this topic deserved a post of its own.

“If you made a mistake at work, what would you do if you were reprimanded with a spanking by your boss? If he or she took you into their office, bent you over their lap, and spanked the crap out of you? Yes, the sicko’s are probably drooling over this thought — but for the purposes of this blog please disregard any thoughts of your boss being incredibly hot, or any desire some of you might have to be spanked.

Would this be acceptable behavior? Or would you have your boss arrested for assault?”

The answer seems pretty clear. So why would anyone think it’s OK for parents to hit their kids? What makes it acceptable to hit a child? I don’t understand, nor do I see any advantages to hitting when there are plenty of other things you can do to teach a child a lesson — other than their taking away their dignity, and yours.

We can reason with them, give them a time out, take away TV, a favorite toy, etc.

Reasoning seems to be the most productive avenue to take (both for the short and long term). It teaches without threatening. But it doesn’t always work, and kids need to know there are consequences if they continue to act out.

But hitting? What does that accomplish, other than stopping the unwanted behavior? Does it address the root of the problem? The child’s frustration, disappointment, fatigue or whatever it might be?

Kids are going to make mistakes. Sometimes they’ll do something bad intentionally, sometimes because they just don’t know any better. But raising children to live in fear of violence & punishment simply creates adults who live in fear. Is that the kind of adult you want to create? One that never fulfills their potential because they’re too afraid of making a mistake and getting punished?

When a child is hit, what have they learned? To refrain from doing something because they’ll be hurt by mom or dad if they do. Wouldn’t you prefer your kids stop doing something because you’ve TAUGHT THEM that it’s wrong? Isn’t it better to help them attain a solid moral base instead of striking them like an animal?

In the effort to stop a behavior for the short term, what long-term damage is being done?

Hitting = violence
Hitting = instilling fear instead of understanding and love
Hitting = creation of resentment
Hitting = disrespecting
Hitting = hurting
Hitting = teaching children to cope through violence, instead of compromise and communication
Hitting = part of a power struggle, it’s all about control
Hitting ≠ teaching (at least not in a positive way)
Hitting ≠ tough love; it is an easy way out for a parent
Hitting ≠ caring 

In this battle for control, the child is seeking it and the parent is looking to maintain it. It’s a fine line that is difficult to walk. But at the end of the day how we treat our children is instrumental in who they become as adults. Do you want to create an adult that is successful and strong… or subservient?

The bottom line is that hitting children is wrong. Period.

And remember, you are not alone…

Related links:
Stop Yelling Daddy!

Equal Rights for Kids. Part 1: Let Your Kids Decide

 

No matter how hard I try, no matter how mindful I attempt to be — I sometimes find myself yelling at one or both of my kids. It never lasts very long and it’s always after an extended amount of crying, screaming, food throwing or obsessive-compulsive behavior that rivals Mr. Monk’s (from the USA TV show).

It seems that I can not get through a weekend without yelling about something. And this weekend was no exception.

It was our 11-year anniversary. The babysitter cancelled on us, so instead of a romantic adult dinner at a nice Italian restaurant, we settled for a family outing at Quaker Steak & Lube. As the name suggests, this is not your ordinary “anniversary dinner.” At least not for us.

Max, 4, began a tirade of wanting more macaroni and cheese WAY before he was done eating what he had in front of him. Relentless, he continued to repeat his desire for more. I tried many ways of reasoning with him to stop. Since his brother Joss, almost 2, was flinging his mac & cheese off his plate, I deftly gave some to Max who ate it and stopped complaining. OK, that wasn’t so hard.

Now Joss starts screaming. Not because I gave his brother some of his food, but because he’s done. He’s ready to go. NOW. My wife has barely eaten & my beer is far from finished. We do our best to eat what we can. I realize this situation is a great way to help people lose weight. Under this type of stress, one simply does not have an appetite!

On the way to the car…

Everything has calmed down. I’ve managed to hold it together until I try to put Joss in the car. He grabs onto the metal rods holding up the passenger side headrest. He clutches them with the will and the strength of a gorilla who’s really hungry for the very last banana (or the most desirable mate).

Now he’s just trying to tell me (in his 2 year old way), “hey dad, listen, sorry but I’m not ready to get in my car seat yet. Maybe you could give me a minute…” But I’m not hearing him. I just want him to sit in the car seat!

I finally pry his fingers off the headrest and get him in the seat. He’s screaming and fighting me and then he kicks me in the face (not intentional)!

That was it. I saw red. I lost it. I started screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of the Quaker Steak & Lube parking lot about how he was “being a bad boy. BAD BOY! Stop it! Stop it now!”

Another weekend tainted. Another chance at setting a good example lost. It doesn’t matter (at least not at that moment) that I set hundreds of good examples for my boys every week. This is simply not a habit I am proud of, it’s not who I want to be. My father yelled alot when I was a kid (big surprise there), and now I am teaching my kids the same thing. And I can’t seem to stop.

The whole incident may have lasted 20 seconds, but three days later I am still ashamed & incredibly disappointed with myself. It’s not that my son’s behavior was acceptable. It wasn’t. But he’s not even two.

The problem is that my behavior is unacceptable — at any age.

I’ve given this much thought, because I realize “trying harder” to stay calm is not the answer. It won’t work unless I address the underlying factors that are causing me to be so volatile. Joss’ behavior was only the catalyst.

The real problem is my frustration. I’m tired & overwhelmed. My wife has diabetes and gallbladder problems, and I’m scared of losing her. I miss my boys all day while I’m at work. And although I am very happy to have a good job, it is quite often VERY FRUSTRATING! We’re 800 miles from everyone we know, everyone we can depend on for help. We are alone out here in Wisconsin. Money always seems to be an issue, and there’s a ton of stuff to do in order to maintain our home. And the pizza sucks!

Hey, I know most (if not all) parents have this same amount of stress. I’m not saying my case is special. But I’m having trouble finding a solution.

If anybody has any suggestions, please feel free to share them.

And remember, you are not alone… 

Related posts:
Researchers Take a Look at Impact of Yelling at Kids, by Dad Talk

Equal Rights for Kids. Part 2: Don’t Hit!